weekend open thread – Jan. 7-8, 2023 — Ask a Manager

I’ve been having issues with my dad and stepmom about feeling like the runner up to my half siblings. That’s a much larger issue but at the moment I need a reality check if I’m holding onto bitter feelings that making everything feel like a big deal with my frustration. (The brief context is that I frequently feel taken advantage of and overlooked because I am the child living closest to them, so a lot is expected of me while I reap no financial benefits like my younger half siblings do).

My roommate, who they have met, has a cat Luna, who I have known and loved since the day my roomie brought her home. Sadly Luna has a growth in her leg that is likely cancer (injection site sarcoma, look it up, most vets don’t warn about this) and the best course of action is to amputate the leg. My roomie started a fundraiser to help with the costs and Luna’s leg was amputated earlier this week.

I sent the link to my family, including my dad and stepmom (who are very well off). I’m financially independent from my family but explained this was important to me and I would be very grateful to anyone who could help out my roomie. Many of my family donated. My dad said they would donate, which I was glad because I hoped for a large donation, knowing how well off they are. I mentioned it twice over the phone because my dad said he was having trouble with the online donation. Texted my stepmom when I was confirming dinner plans with them because I knew she’d done the online systems before to help my dad; she asked me to send the link specifically to her and I did.

I checked with my roommate before heading over tonight and they still hadn’t donated, 5 days after I sent the link to my stepmom a second time. Today I arrive at my dad’s house for dinner and give him an update on Luna; he says to check with my stepmom about the donation. I mention it to her when she arrives, saying that dad said I should check with her. She says with an edge in her voice that she knows because I mentioned it several times over the last week, so I stop talking.

But then she looks up from her tablet and starts rattling off details of the credit card statement they have open for my 26 yr old sister, questioning why she spent over $3,800 in a month on a road trip with a friend, but not asking any further details or telling her it’s too much money. A while later in the same evening, she sent $100 to my roommate.

I feel so frustrated, maybe even angry, that my stepmom said I was annoying her with reminders of a donation for a cat I love like my own, but had no problem giving my unemployed sister thousands of dollars to go on a vacation. I pride myself on being independent so I don’t usually ask my dad and stepmom for money, but I felt ignored that the one time I ask for money for something important to me, they ignore it. Please share thoughts, even if it’s that I’m too invested and need to take a step back.